Holiday Musings..

Like so many in this country, I work for a company that is implementing "mandatory vacation" over the holidays. Now I don't really do well with a lot of time on my hands but it does afford me a respite from a ridiculously busy time both at work and at home. It also affords time to interact with a lot more people.. out shopping.. around the neighborhood et al. Mostly I do a lot of people watching. Twice during the shopping ordeal I stood in line with people who set their bags down and then simply walked away without them when the line moved. And it wasn't like it was their turn next. The lines were long so they would move several feet away from their belongings, with the back to them and not even look back at them for minutes at a time. The obvious thought to me was that it would be very easy for some desperate soul to make off with this stuff. People need to try to keep their wits about them during the holidays. I reminded them of that fact as I called out to them to come back and get their things. During one shopping day, whilest standing in line I encountered a gentleman with what can only be described as "hideous ears." The things were huge.. at least 5 inches from top to bottom. They were not deformed or injury damaged or anything, they were just so enormous and so full of wrinkles and pits in the back that they simply looked horrid. I stared for a bit in horror at them and eventually had to turn away. Naturally this set me to thinking, "Does everyone have ugly ears from the back? DoI?" So for the next several days I found myself checking out people's ears. Yes I felt weird about it, but I couldn't help myself. What I discovered was that the guy with the hideous ears must be quite rare, as I could not find anyone with ears even close to being that ugly. Even the kids who use the big hoops to deform their ears on purpose didn't look that bad.

Earlier this night, we took our little girl to downtown San Jose to experience the "Christmas in the Park" exhibit, which is a beautiful collection of Christmas trees, animatronic displays and a little holiday festival. This festival is also another fertile ground for people watching. One thing that always gets my attention is when I see a family or a couple taking turns taking pictures with one person always being left out. I volunteered to get "one of the whole family" for a couple of families and both families seemed genuinely appreciative. It's such a simple act, just snapping a picture, but it means so much to the dad or mom with the camera, who is never in any of the pictures he or she takes. I should know, I probably have several thousand such pictures of my wife, my kids, my relatives, with me nowhere to be seen.. because I'm behind the camera. Some years back I bought a little portable tripod for just such occasions.. but it's not always practical to get everyone to stand aside from that perfect picture spot while you set up your impromptu studio.

Those little encounters inspired me to actually come back to my blog and write about it. Little random acts of kindness like taking a picture of a family at a tourist spot costs us nothing and can do so much for the recipients. I am bound to ask myself, why don't we do more of that kind of thing for one another? Our forefathers did.. even as recently as my childhood people were kinder to each other, neighbors were more neighborly, strangers on the street waved and smiled at each other. People struck up conversations in line at the grocery store and weren't even trying to sell anything. Where did that go? Strike up a conversation with a lady at the grocery store now and you're labeled as "hitting on her." Guys are a little easier, since everyone wears some article identifying their favorite teams so them you can at least talk to about how said team is doing. Sure it's idle chit-chat, but it passes the time, which you would otherwise spend staring blankly into space or trying to figure out who buys "the Star" or "the National Enquirer" and these other ridiculous rags on the shelves at the checkout. Conversation really is becoming a lost art. Everybody wants free wi-fi in their downtown areas so they can surf the web from a coffee shop.. interacting with people all over the world, while ignore those within 10 feet of them. What's wrong with this picture? When did we become so obsessed with escaping our lives that we expend so little energy interacting with those nearest to us. I love the possibilities the internet opens up for us. But, as with all good things, there has to be balance. I think part of that balance is NOT making it so easy for people to sink into some "online shell" and barely have to acknowledge other human beings sharing their same space. That's a New Year's resolution I would wish upon the whole world.. more kindness, more human interaction. Wonder if we can make it happen?

The Case for Affirmative Action .. at least for now..

Those who know me, know that I consider myself to be a Conservative. I believe in smaller government, free enterprise and lower taxes. Like most people, however I cannot be summed up with a single word. There are a couple of issues which I suppose I would have to admit, I am hopelessly liberal. Affirmative Action is foremost among those. Some would argue that this is a contradiction. That how can one believe in the things I cite, and yet still favor race based assistance for college admissions and hiring. Well the truth is, I don't really. It occurs to me that while ethnicity plays a major role in the extent to which equal opportunity is presented to people in this country, it is not the only player. Clearly socio-economic hardship plays a large part in that as well. The inner city is the inner city, regardless of what color your skin is, if your school spends more on metal detectors and grief counselors than on books and college preparations counselors and your parents are both junkies, you are at a significant disadvantage. Period.

At the risk of seeming narcissistic, I turn again to my own example. My annual statement from the Social Security Administration tells me that I have made several million dollars in my career so far and will make several million more before I die of a heart attack at my desk. It also tells me that by the time I have that heart attack I will have paid somewhere between 3 and 4 million dollars in taxes. Federal, state, property, sales etc. My Harvard education, most of which was paid by government grants and other aid, cost about $45,000. One need not be a Harvard economist to be able to compute that $3 million in return for a $45K investment is money well spent. 3000% ROI is a return Wall Street would turn cartwheels over. So what does that have to do with Affirmative Action?

Well listen up and I will tell ya. First let's look at what Affirmative Action (sorry I can't to the AA abbreviation without thinking of Alcoholics Anonymous so bear with me) for? What's it supposed to do? Well it's simple. It is supposed to afford an opportunity for people who, for reasons which can best be characterized as "institutional injustice" have not been afforded an equal opportunity by our society. So what the hell does that mean? Stay with me and I will explain. As has come to light with the New Haven firefighter case and the ongoing NYFD lawsuit, there are issues with how people are evaluated in this country. Not so much anymore because of any insidious desire for exclusion, but simply because the people doing the evaluation assume certain things, certain knowledge, a certain familiarity with concepts and ideas that are thought to be "common sense" so to speak. Yet for some, these concepts are as foreign as the Chinese alphabet to us Americans. The easy answer would be to say "Well if you want the job/college admission/whatever then it is incumbent upon you to go learn what you need to know to get it." And to some extent that would be true. If not for the not so small problem of people not even knowing what it is they don't know. Again to harken back to my own experience. When I took the SAT, I was immediately aware upon reading through the test that there was stuff on it that I had not ever touched in any classroom. Even though I was as intelligent as any kid taking that test, maybe more, there were questions on it that I was never going to be able to answer, at least not with any confidence. And there was no way for me to know what I didn't know, until I took the test. Yes I know that kids now have access to SAT prep classes and some schools even have the prep people on campus full time. I have seen the whole cottage industry that has grown up around test preparation. But again, how many of those facilities are in the inner city? Or out in rural Arkansas? Yes, kids who go to school in affluent areas have access to all that stuff, but what about the rest? What about the kids whose parents never finished high school, which is going to be a very large number in the next generation as dropout rates climb toward 20% nationwide? What about those kids who don't know enough about the college boards to even begin to know where to look for help preparing for them? What about the thousands and thousands of kids who go to high schools that don't even have guidance counselors anymore?

As luck would have it, I did well enough on the SAT to get into Harvard and every other school I applied to. Maybe I was a really good guesser. Was I an Affirmative Action admit? Maybe, maybe not, I don't really know.. And don't care.. I know that there were ZERO professors at Harvard who gave me "Affirmative Action" grades. My guess is Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson or Judge Lynn Toler or Governor Deval Patrick or yeah.. that President guy would probably say the same thing. Harvard professors as a rule seemed like hard asses who wanted to challenge and push all their students to the brink of suicide! But I digress. Once you get into the school, you still gotta do the work. And if you are underprepared, which I was, you will find it difficult to get off the ground. What I found upon arriving at Harvard was that there were kids, black and white and everything in between, who had come from MUCH better schools than my gigantic public school in Orlando. Nothing against public schools, but the prep schools in New England, the great schools in the Virginia commonwealth, the great schools in Cali, yes I said Cali, which used to have one of the 5 best secondary educational systems in the country. Those kids came to Harvard with a HUGE head start on kids like me. Faced with that, I had two choices. Fold and declare myself a failure who didn't belong here.. or get to work playin catchup. I chose the latter. So I caught up with some, passed some others and never got within shouting distance of still others because they were both at least as brilliant as me and worked just as hard or harder AND had the huge head start that I was never going to make up. But the point is, you have to take it on. A kid has to be willing to accept that challenge and fight that uphill battle for four years.

Without program like Affirmative Action, a kid like me might never get that chance to accept that challenge. My parents were both high school dropouts. I was the first member of my family to graduate from college. If I look at it honestly without the opportunity to go to a college like Harvard.. I probably still would have gone to college.. To UCF maybe.. Maybe Valencia Community College. Gee how different would my life be now had that been the case? I don't think I would have ended up on drugs or on welfare. I was never that kind of kid, but my earnings, and with it my taxes paid, would certainly be less than half what they have been. Harvard has opened more doors for me than I can count. I have had no less than a dozen interviews in my career for jobs I was unqualified for, just because the interviewer "wanted to meet somebody that went to Harvard." I have no illusions that I was somehow "special" and that's why I received the opportunity I did. I got lucky. I fell under Mrs. Betsy Folk's section of the alphabet. Mrs. Folk was a godsend. But she's a topic for another blog.

In the worst case scenario a kid like me struggles through one crappy job after another and spend a significant amount of my life on the government dole. My wife could give birth to 5 or 6 kids, each of which would increase the amount of the government dole we could qualify for, and maybe one day in a momentary lapse or reason or out of desperation I commit a crime, get busted, end up in jail. Get out a few years later, a convicted felon. Game over.. life over.. Likewise my kids just inherited that life sentence with me.. and probably their kids with me. Instead, my kids grow up with a college degree all but a foregone conclusion of their education process. Never get into any legal entanglements beyond traffic tickets and the like and the cycle, at least for my lineage, is broken forever. 45 G's = 3 million in tax revenue, 5 people (myself, my wife and kids) likely never to commit a crime and never to need government assistance (because I am certain I will die before I collect any social security.) Seriously, does anyone wanna argue that this is an investment worth making over and over again?

Oh yeah, I'm forgetting the "innocent victims" of Affirmative Action, the people displaced by the beneficiaries. These people argue correctly that "two wrongs do not make a right." And that is true. However, the continuation of the rewarding those for whom the system is already rigged in favor of, is a greater wrong. Affirmative Action is our society's way or recognizing that we have a system that is rigged in favor of some to the detriment of others and attempting to make amends. Some would ask "Okay fine, but how long do we keep this up? At what point will the debt be repaid to minorities in this country?" My answer is always the same.. My people were oppressed in this country for 300 years. My parents were alive when it was still illegal to teach a black child to read in some Southern States. 300 years. Let's go ahead and keep Affirmative Action in place for half that.. Then let's talk..

Gates arrest shines the light on a deep dark issue.

I've alternately lampooned it and pontificated about it on various forums, but it's time to take a longer look at the arrest of Professor Gates this past week. Let me begin by saying I do not know Professor Gates nor Sgt. Crowley personally. Never met either of them to the best of my knowledge. The media has beaten this thing to death to the point that the President of the United States felt compelled to weigh in and then later to try to excuse himself from the fray. Usually I long for the media to leave celebrity stories alone quickly. Not because this story does not merit attention but because the media has a way of twisting a story until it becomes a perverted mess. It is my sincere hope that this one won't end up that way. It's too complex and important. Some might ask why it's so important. Well sit back and relax and I will explain.

To jump right into the meat of the matter. The Gates case has an opportunity to effect significant change in how men of color are treated by law enforcement in this country. The Gates incident involved a celebrity of sorts, which is the only reason the media gave it even a second thought. Black men are treated with something less than respect by law enforcement every day in this country. This incident brims with the possibility of putting a serious dent in that problem. I don't believe for one second that either Gates or Sgt. Crowley or the president for that matter handled this situation the best way they could have. How ironic that of that threesome, only the President has been humble enough to admit that HE overreacted. Gates and Crowley seem to be dug in, which is unfortunate. The two of them could do a great deal for the relationship between Black men and law enforcement in this country by simply admitting their own culpability in this matter and taking a more conciliatory tone.

As I am a black man, who spent my formative years in the segregated South, and a man who has gone through two separations and one divorce, I am fully able to empathize with Professor Gates' indignation at being treated like an interloper in his own home. I understand what it feels like to have to defend one's presence in one's own house. I've been pulled over for "DWB" a number of times, most of them in "progressive" California. In that context it would be very easy for me to automatically side with Gates and never even consider the cop. But at some point in my maturation process, I learned that cops, for the most part, are decent people trying to do a job. Because they are drawn from the pool known as the human race, some of them are jerks, maybe even outright assholes, but coloring them all with the same brush is exactly what led to racial prejudice and racial profiling to begin with. So I learned to treat them with respect and in turn I found out they would gladly reciprocate. Gates should have done exactly this in his situation. If he had thanked the officer for looking into the call and protecting his neighborhood and his home, offered him some coffee and given the identification immediately when requested and without attitude we would never have heard a peep about this. But in his defense, Gates was tired and grumpy from a long trip and clearly annoyed at having to break into his own home. This obviously impaired his judgement momentarily. That could happen to any of us under those circumstances. At the same time, the cop was probably aware of where he was responding to the call. He knew it was the home in the area of where Harvard puts up professors and other staff. He might even have known it was Gates' residence. If you've met many Harvard professors, you would understand how cops might be a little irritated with their elitism and the sense of entitlement and superiority they exude. Well.. not all of them but some.

The lesson that needs to be learned here is that parties in this sort of situation need to ask themselves one simple question before they react and that is simply: What would a reasonable person do here? Reasonable middle aged men don't scream at cops. Reasonable cops don't arrest middle-aged men who prove they're in their own homes and there is are no warrants or restraining orders to service. And certainly a reasonable head of state does not undermine law enforcement off hand without the slightest clue as to the facts. The bottom line is it's high time we in America grew up about race. It needs to stop being a topic that is either completely off limits or spoken of only in hushed tones or in some clinical academic setting. People need to re-learn how to talk to each other. To appreciate each other's differences, and to understand how insignificant those differences truly are in the grand scheme of things. Some of those differences are funny. Others are charming. But not of them really amounts to a hill of beans in the cosmos. In the blink of an eye that is our life span here on this planet, to expend the amount of time and energy we do dividing ourselves based on the .3% (or whatever the number is) of our genetic make-up that is different is beyond ludicrous. Any intelligent life looking in on us would rightfully conclude we are absolute morons.

But I digress. This is about cops and black folk. Black men in particular. Black men need to quit feeling the need to act like one of the "Boyz in the Hood" every time we have to engage a cop and in turn cops should try not to see a character from "Oz" every time he encounters a black male. Yes there will be times when both will be the case.. but those will be the exception and not the rule. Remember the "What would a reasonable person do?" rule. How about we try it, just for a while?

Hey Mediots? What is it with the MJ hate guys?

So two weeks have gone by since the theatre of the absurd known as "Michael Jackson died coverage" has kicked off and truthfully there is no end in sight. Not sure what to think about that but in truth it doesn't really bother me all that much because I never watched much CNN/Fox News/MSNBC/Entertainment Tonight/{You name the tabloid show} in the first place. I have read the various laments about how overblown the coverage is and find it very easy to agree. What I do not agree with is the tone of some of the laments. "He was a pedophile and a child molester!" asserts one pundit. "He was no Beethoven!" writes another. "He simply was not that significant a person...." is the refrain coming from many corners.

As we live in America, I fully support the right of these people to their opinions about Michael Jackson, his legacy, his alleged crimes, the stupid media coverage, the fans who travel thousands of miles just to stand around hoping for a glimpse of his casket. I get that. But why be in attack mode? Why attack a dead man? Why attack people who adored him whatever their reasoning for doing so? His humanitarian efforts on behalf of children alone render him worthy of high praise and reverence in my opinion. That much of his music was simply formulaic pop is of no consequence. Most music of the rock era can be described thusly. Who cares? It is no less pleasant to listen to just because it isn't filled with full orchestra arrangements and full choir backing vocals. Some people like mystery novels, some people like comic books. Both are legitimate preferences. This whole business of looking down upon those who do not share in our "intelligent" view of the world is extremely distasteful to me. Live and let live. What harm are these "people who mourn a stranger" doing to me, you or the uppity pundits looking down their noses at them? If teenage girls faint at the sight of the Beatles getting off the plane or out of a limo, why would we expect they would have a measured response to the passing of a pop icon like Michael Jackson. The tone of those sitting in judgement of them speaks to the ongoing undercurrent of hate in our society. It has colored our politics for at least the past 2 decades and it has gradually infiltrated all corners of our society. One simply cannot be "somebody" unless one is asserting one's superiority over others by putting them down.

Those who know me know that I am as cynical and sarcastic as anyone, but I do it with tongue planted in cheek. I don't take myself or my rants all that seriously and encourage others to follow suit. I'm just a guy, trying to live life the best I can. I am not trying to tell others how they should live, what they should think, who they should vote for, whatever.. So called journalists shouldn't either. Reporters should go back to "reporting." These commentary shows that vie to brainwash people to the hosts way of thinking should be taken off the air. People should think for themselves. If they want to know about something they should gather facts and formulate their own opinion, not wait for some talking head to tell them what to think. If they don't understand something, they should turn to someone they know and trust and engage in discussion. Maybe a neighbor, maybe a coworker. Someone known to be intelligent. Not even necessarily someone whose opinion they share. In fact it is often more productive to engage in discussion with someone with the opposite viewpoint than someone who agrees with you. This Michael Jackson thing is not such an issue by the way. Death is not complicated. Nor is a family's loss of a brother and son or children's loss of their father. No one should need to have that explained to them. Speculation about whether he is the kids' father, who gets his money, who does he own money, who gets his children, how much plastic surgery did he have, how many kids did he molest and a long laundry list of trivialities have no place in this. And shame on us for legitimizing this behavior by continuing to tune into it. Maybe its time we should those "smarter and holier than thou" talking heads what "class" is.. by turning them off.

Hey Mister Obama.. you wanna socialize somethin? Try education!

With all the news of celebrity deaths, high finance fraud, politicians cheating on their wives and mind-numbing government spending packages it was nigh impossible to decide what would constitute my next blog entry. But in the end, what won out is something that has always been near and dear to my heart. Education.. This administration has shown nothing in its first half year if not a strong desire to take over .. everything. Banking industry, car industry, energy industry, television networks, you name it, the Obama administration has all but annexed it into the public sector. Health care is just around the corner if past performance is any indication. But where we really should be trying to ensure that every American has an opportunity to achieve is education. Education is the key to maximizing one's opportunity. Without knowledge of what is possible, it is nearly impossible to achieve anything.

I find it puzzling that in all our zeal to emulate Europe or other places in so many areas, we do not hear much noise about emulating their model for education. At least not higher education. In a time when the annual cost of a college education at most public universities skyrockets towards $50,000 a year, it seems inconceivable that this issue is being virtually ignored. We constantly lament that our youth and later our workers are falling behind other parts of the world in productivity, innovation and other key measureless. Our "systems" are constantly derided as antiquated and is largely "failing our children." Yes I know that primary and secondary education in this country has taken a significant dive over the past 25 years but that in my opinion is more an artifact of the dumbing down process we have undergone as well as the mad rush toward making every child "feel good about themselves." But that's another blog for another day. This is about higher education. As millions of parents, myself included, wrestle with how to pay for the soon to be $200,000 educations for their little ones, one wonders how much of the refinance/cash out craze which all but crippled the mortgage industry could be attributed to parents trying to pay for their kids' education. You have to be making a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY to have the kind of money saved up to cover your child's education given those numbers. I strongly suspect the number of parents in position to pay for that kind of education wouldn't break 6 digits. God forbid you have more than ONE child heading off to college at the same time.

So how to solve this problem? Well as with any complex problem, there is no simple solution. But I strongly believe that our government is missing the boat on this issue. So much of our crime is committed by the uneducated, so many of our prison inmates are the uneducated, so much of our welfare is absorbed by the uneducated, you would think it would be obvious that in addition to helping our workers become more competitive globally, educating the populace would grow the tax base with more high earners as well as ease the burden on said tax payers. It's a win win for all concerned. Well except one group. Politicians, and here is where my cynicism kicks in. A part of me believes that politicians are as familiar as I am with the statistics surrounding quality of life, career, family stability and all that for college grads versus those who do not attend college. However they do not pursue this crusade with the same vigor as they do others for the simple reason that an educated electorate is the last thing politicians want to see. The ability to manipulate the masses is a key component in the current political machinery. Educated people are a little more difficult, though not impossible, to manipulate. Educated people tend to think we know everything, even if we don't. We think we understand everything, even if we don't and we want to be informed about everything. We accept almost nothing at face value and want to dig deeper into everything. This is completely contrary to what politicians seem to want from their constituents. The evidence of this is everywhere you look in government. The promised transparency that permeated the Obama campaign evaporated like the summer morning dew in the Florida sun as they have rolled out one massive spending bill after another. And we the people, so preoccupied with the deaths of celebrities, or jokes about Sarah Palin or the infidelity of various politicians to pay attention to any of it. There are a few voices screaming in the wilderness about what's going on, but they are largely ignored and often attacked for opposing the current power structure. But even that is a digression. The real point here is that a college or trade school education should be made available at little or no cost to any kid who wants it and who meets a minimum qualification. The benefits to our society are well documented and immeasurable. Raising the bar and facilitating our youth to leap over it rather than lowering the bar and creating a generation of idiots seems a much better approach to me. I know I too am a voice screaming in the wilderness.. but if enough of us scream, it's going to get hard to ignore us.

So I repeat. Loudly.. Mr. Obama.. you wanna give something away? Make it education.. and watch America soar.

Goodbye Michael.. man will you be missed.

My mind raced a million miles an hour when I first saw the headlines about the passing of Michael Jackson. The dude was one of the true giants of the entertainment industry. He was our generation's Sammy Davis Jr., Elvis and Jimmy Hendrix all rolled into one. I have generally been an outspoken critic of our society's growing fascination with celebrities. This seeming need we have to follow their every move, every success, every failure, every aspect of their lives in gory detail. Likewise I have always felt we get carried away in how much time and energy we spend on their deaths. Death is after all the great equalizer. No matter what we do in life, we all end up in the same place. But this was different. This was Michael Jackson, a voice I had heard since I was 5 or 6 years old. A vocalist I had begun imitating before I can even remember doing so and whose dance moves I, like 100 million other guys, practiced endlessly in the mirror but never quite got right. Michael was a part of me. Part of who I am.. part of my childhood, part of my college years, part of my adult life. . You may laugh, but I was never one who believed he molested those kids. Not that I didn't believe he had the kids in his bed. That I could completely believe. What I could not believe was that this man would do anything ever to harm a child. Some might call that view naive, but it has an honest origin.

A few million years ago, when I was working weekends at Disney World's EPCOT Center, I had occasion to meet him. In fact I rode down an elevator with him. And a bunch of his handlers, entourage or whatever you want to call them. He was being escorted to the ride I was working, and I was returning from a break to work the ride. There was no conversation, nothing more than a polite, "Hi." Not even a handshake of the gloved hand. But in that 2-3 minutes, I learned a great deal about Michael Jackson. He was maybe 23 or 24 years old at the time, but he conducted himself like a child and was treated that way by his "people." I was a huge fan of his music, but I simply was not the sort to get starstruck on anybody. So I did not fawn all over him or act like a teenage girl. I kept my cool, though I most certainly wanted to at least tell him how great I thought his music was. Instead I just listened. I listened to how his people talked to him. How he responded. How withdrawn he was. I remember being struck by how small he was. He was so skinny. He slouched as he stood there and when he walked. He seemed frail to me. At all of 5'7" I felt like I towered over him. But what really sealed it for me was what happened when the elevator opened. As he walked out some of the people in the lines spotted him and it was on. The teenagers surrounded him, the crowd engulfed him and his reaction spoke volumes to me. I could see his face as the scene unfolded. He was befuddled, frightened, completely helpless and taken aback by the situation. I remember thinking to myself: "This guy has dealt with this mob scene since he was 6 or 7 years old, and he hasn't figured out how to handle any better than a mousey look to his managers? Wow!?!?" The managers and some of the Disney staff, myself included, moved in quickly and ushered him out of the mass and onto the ride. I realized at that moment the extent to which Michael Jackson was not in control of his life. I remember thinking that he didn't sound all that bright in conversation. I also recall reading a letter he wrote in one of his album liners that might have been written at 5th grade level. So there I was, making $8.50 an hour, telling people about plants and agriculture on an EPCOT ride, feeling sorry for multi-millionair megastar Michael Jackson.

As the years wore on I watched as he moved into and out of a series of bizarre relationships with women. From Brooke Shields to Lisa Marie Presley to that Debbie whatever her name is woman. I always remember thinking: "This brother has no idea what he's looking for in a woman, and therefore he will likely never find it." Then there is the matter of the allegations of child molestation. I just don't buy it. Michael thought of and conducted himself as a kid until the day he died. The things he did with those kids, in my opinion, were consistent with a man who just never grew up and who enjoyed playing with and hanging out and yes sleeping with little kids more than he did the company of adults. Frankly, on that count, I can certainly see his point. I enjoy the company of my 8 year old more than I do all but a handful of adults I know. If you're a parent, you know how special cuddling with a little one can be. There is an innocence, a tranquility to it that defies description.

Michael's biggest problem, was that he alternately raised by his borderline insane and certainly obsessed father and the sycophants who were hired to take care of him both when he was a child and later when he was an adult... child. Rare is the employee who can look his or her boss in the eye and say "Boss, that's some stupid stuff you're doing and you need to stop. NOW!" It's truly ironic that the people who had the most to lose from his downfall, namely their livelihood, were unwilling to step in and steer him away from so many of life's pitfalls. Though that may be unfair. Perhaps some of them did exactly that, but got shouted down. The absurd plastic surgery, the often odd, always lavish lifestyle choices, the increasingly ill-advised consorting with other people's children. There is no playbook on how to be a man. Most of us learn by watching. Our dads, our big brothers, our teachers our coaches etc. Michael had agents, handlers, lawyers, other entertainers... his own brothers, who had their own issues, and of course his own father -- Joe. The fact that he never really evolved into a true "man" was not much of a surprise to me. In that one regard, he was greatly handicapped in life. So here I sit, some 26 years after my first episode of feeling sorry for Michael Jackson, still feeling pretty much the same way. In fact upon reflection, I never really stopped feeling sorry for him. Even though he would have great successes after that first encounter, I could never completely forget that chance encounter in the elevator at EPCOT and the lasting impression it left me with. Michael Jackson seemed as much a prisoner in his life as anything. At least he's no longer that. I hope his affairs were in order spiritually and I trust he left his children in good stead both in terms of their care as well as financially. Hopefully we will not be so cruel to them as we were to their father over the last 15 years.

Father's day reflections..

The day began with me out back trying to get the chemical balance and temperature of the pool just right. I called my dad, got his machine and kept working. A few minutes later my son called me and we chatted for a while until my sister called and she and I chatted a while and then my wife woke up, came downstairs and let me know what "the plan" was for today. This immediately got me to thinking. How many dad's really fall for this illusion that this is "our day." Come on ladies, spill the beans. Yall know this day aint about us. Not that we mind. Deep down, we know that too, just as we know that while yall aint our mothers, we best have a gift, a card, some flowers and a reservation somewhere nice for at least brunch lined up. I had to ask myself how things got so our of whack.. When did men become so marginalized in this country? I overheard a couple of radio dudes ("Armstrong and Getty" KNEW, San Francisco 6-10am) last week talking about a survey of "All time favorite TV dads." They, and I along with them, were shocked that Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable was the most recent member of that club. They pondered why that would be. Did the surveyor just poll old people? Or was it because TV dads have devolved into largely mindless buffoons who are more an impediment to the family unit functioning than anything else. The wife and the kids are the smart ones. Dad is just a comic foil more often than not. As I listened to this, I had to reflect on my own situation. Am I one of these useless buffoons? Can I not fix anything? Does everything I cook end up burnt? Is every gift I buy for my kids appropriate for them.. five years ago? Since I have built furniture one of which still serves as my dresser, performed routine to mid level maintenance on my Toyotas, Mercedes, Infinity, Harley and GMC trucks as well as almost completely rebuilt my Maytag washer I think I'm cool on #1. Since I prepare about 80% of the meals at our house and no one who lives here could be accused of needing to put on weight, I think I can put a check mark by #2. So that brings #3. Now I gotta admit, I went to gift cards right around the time the teenagers started high school. The little one? I dunno, I try to listen to what she likes, and get it for her but my wife has returned quite a bit of the stuff I buy so maybe I fall down on that one.

So I'm okay on 2 out of 3. But obviously there is more to dadhood than that stuff. There is homework.. I have to admit it's hard to get and stay focused on 2nd and 3rd grade homework but I get that those are the grades where the kids most need it. But I drift away at times on that. Then there is play time. You gotta be the big huggable playmate when they need ya. Though I always enjoy it when I do get down on the floor and play with my little one, these soon to be 49 year old bones are never quick to get down there. But then I thought about my own father.. he never did any of those things. He was never a playmate, never helped with school work any of that. But I never once doubted he loved me for a nanosecond. He was a far tougher disciplinarian that I could ever hope to be. Maybe that was what inspired me to do well in school. Sheer naked fear of what he'd do to me if I didn't. Whatever the case, it worked. I studied, and did well in school. Others remember me working hard in school, I don't. It never felt hard to me. I constantly did my homework in front of the TV, on the school bus, hell during breaks between classes. My dad never showed a lot of emotion, except anger when we screwed up and joy when we did something good. I struggle to remember much in between. Could that be why dads have become caricatures on TV? Because an entire generation of dads only had two emotional states? Pissed off and wielding a belt or elated and jumping for joy? It's hard to say, the people in charge of making movies and TV shows were raised by my parents' generation. Are their remembrances similar to mine? Dad as a cartoon character? A 2-dimensional image? In the end I suspect my dad had a full range of emotions and actions throughout my childhood. But only the ones on the extreme ends are etched into long term memory. I became keenly aware of that as I began my own family and started to interact with my dad man to man and also watching him interact with my kids, his grandchildren. There was so much more to this man than what I remembered growing up. He was warm, loving, funny and available at all times to provide to help his kids accomplish their goals. Whether the need be money, borrowing a vehicle, the name of a good, honest mechanic. Dad always provided. The thing that I never lost sight of growing up was just how hard my dad worked. He was gone by 6 am most days and not home much before 6 pm. Even with that, there were difficult times, times when we ended up living in housing projects or places WAY too small for 2 adults and 7 kids. Food stamps, government aid were also a part of my childhood. But what I always noticed, was that we only stayed in the projects as long as we had to. When times got better, when dad had more work, we moved into a bigger house, a better neighborhood. We took what we needed, and not a cent more. I learned that from both my parents. The government assistance is there if you need it, but the trick is not to need it. At least not for very long. This is not to say my dad was perfect. He had his flaws, like any man. But a cartoon character he was not. Nor was he a buffoon or a hindrance to the house working smoothly. He gave us everything we needed, even if not much of what we wanted. Fortunately for me, he's still alive and kicking and I can still converse with him about things great and small. I still haven't figured out how to tell him how much I appreciate all the things he did for us kids. All the work, all the sacrifices. All the lessons he taught, without ever sitting down and having some sit-down family meeting like we see on TV. He taught by example. And yes by occasionally whacking us on our butts. Stuff he'd be arrested for today. But I look at myself and my siblings. Seven of us. One a Harvard grad, one a Rollins grad, one a retired Naval Officer, two trade school grads who gainfully employed professionals. One for a law firm the other as a hospital administrator. Yeah there are some who have never quite turned the corner on "the good life" but for two parents who never finished high school to have produced those results, I have to commend my folks. Whatever they did worked pretty well for most of their kids. Credit must go to both parents for that. But today is Fathers Day.. so this salute is for you, Dad.

Rude Indian People.. Vikas you were right..

This past Memorial Day, my wife and our 8 year old headed over to Santa Cruz Beach for some fun in the Sun and later to let the little one take in some rides. We found a great spot on the beach, near the water but not close enough to get wet. There were two 20-something Indian couples playing with a soccer or volleyball near us. They kicked up a bit of sand but they were downwind so we didn't care. For whatever reason, about 20 minutes after we arrived, they moved to an upwind position of us and began kicking the ball all around our little spot there on the beach, the ball literally sailing directly over us at times, and they bouncing all around us blasting sand everywhere. My wife, never the shy one, asked them to maybe kick the ball elsewhere. They ignored her. I, realizing that an angry black man making such a request can be intimidating and might lead to confrontation, tried to remain quiet. Eventually through a series of "WTF are you doing" looks they appeared to get the message and seemed to settle down. Until they decided to leave. At that point, they began to shake their blankets and towels pretty much directly over us dumping sand in our faces and into our food. At that point I lost and launched a profanity laden "plea" for them to cease and desists. After exchanging a couple of perplexed looks with each other, they did and left. Quickly.
The significance of this encounter was that it was the first time in memory that I had encountered Indian people who were not just the nicest folk in the world. As I reflected on the incident, and how these young Indian folk could have come to behave so.. American, I was reminded of a conversation I had had with my coworker, Vikas, at Sun Microsystems sometime around the summer of 2001. I remember Vikas telling me that he would have to move back home to India before his kids were corrupted by us Americans. At the time I was mildly insulted but hey, it's his kids, he has to do what he felt best. But as I pondered these kids from the beach, it occurred to me that they were probably either born here in the states or raised from a very young age here. They had no accents to speak of and if not for their dark skin could easily have been plain old California white kids. Especially their boorish behavior. Then I harkened back to the Indian brother in Sunnyvale who had basically killed his entire family and himself over a dispute with his wife's brother. Only his wife, who had managed to stumble out the apartment despite being shot multiple times, had survived. So I decided to write this blog entry in honor of Vikas. Vikas, you were right to take your kids back home. While I'm sure not all Indian (or other foreign) kids raised here will be thus influenced by us Americans, it's clear that there are aspects of our society which are rubbing off on our friends who come here from other cultures, which they would just soon didn't. Come to think of it, so would we.


Lest there be any misunderstanding, there is no attempt being made here to hold all Indian people accountable for the idiotic behavior of a few wayward sons and daughters. In my 20 years here in Silicon Valley I have found Indian folk to be simply delightful, with few exceptions. But I am left to wonder, as more and more of them grow up in our midst, how long will that be the case, with them, or with any other immigrant group.

Welcome!!!

I'm not sure what motivated me to start a blog, but what the heck. My mind works a million miles and hour about a million different things, so I have decided to share some of my thoughts.. in case anybody is interested.